Since when is being honest such a bad thing? In case people forget, lying is a sin, it's wrong, it's a terrible thing to do, and you'll have to answer to your creator about every single lie you made in this life. He gave you life as a gift. We should be living our lives great, we are lucky to be here,we should be doing amazing things and love this world, why waste your life, your gift, by lying?
The worst part about being lied to, is that I can never believe anything you say again.
Someone can only get lied to so many times until they close their ears and their hearts and walk away.
Walking away is something I have decided to do, from a lot of people. During this Catepillar Stage of my life I just want people in my life that are good influences, loving, kind, honest, and who love me and provide me with positive relationships that I want in my life. I don't need people in my life who don't care about me, who only contact me if they need something from me, who lie to me all the time or who constantly hurt me. Wanting to live a happy life is something everyone wants, and if I choose to surround myself with loving people, and choose to not keep people in my life who don't love me and who I don't have an equal relationship with, that is my choice. I love so many people in my life and I want them in my life so badly, but I cannot stand getting hurt over and over again. I know that I seem like I'm tough, or I have a hard armor around me, but I don't. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my heart is completely exposed to take shots at. I've come to realize that loving people as much as I possibly can, is hurting me more then it is doing me good. I can't change the way that I love people, I can't love people less. I'm me and I think the way that I love people, and how much I love them is something to be cherished and appreciated, not something that you keep on the back burner for when you need it.
Lately, when I've gone through a tough time, it really shows you who is really there for you and who loves you. To be lied to and hurt in such an extreme way I feel like changed me as a person.
I've been hurt before, but for some reason it's not the same. I feel like since my relationships with Adam and Andy I worked so hard to change the bad things about me. It took years to better myself and I was really excited to finally put the years of hardwork to find someone. Once I did, I was open up to hurt more then ever. The good thing about Adam and Andy was that I was able to guard myself so well because that's all I ever did, but then it ended up hurting those relationships. Then I make the change, I better myself, and I get hurt worse then ever. I believed things that were never true, I was lied to constantly and made to believe that I am something that I'm not. I've never felt this way before and it's a terrible feeling. How can some people be perfectly ok and be able to sleep at night knowing that they caused this kind of damage to a person? Or maybe more then one person? Does it really make sense to think that by hurting people to get what you want that you think it will last? It never works out to hurt people to get what you want.
It's not something that I will be able to comprehend. And it's something that make me so sad, that it even exists, that it happens to so many people, and that I allowed it to happen to me.
I feel like it had such an effect on me, that I can't exactly heal. I feel like I have to shed this skin compeltely and go into a stage of metamorphosis and turn into something new. I was a catepillar and changed a lot, but if it's possible to take what happened and turn myself into something better, Im going to do it. I can't control what other people do, or how they are ok hurting people, or if they choose to be mean or hurtful people. I know that by loving people the way I am suppose to love people that it will pay off some day in the end. I know that by living an honest life and living a GOOD life, and loving people, not hurting them, will lead to a happy ending.
I really want to get out of this transition stage that I am in and figure out how to get to the next stage that I want to be at. I need to figure out how to compeltely shed this pain and if it's even possible. I know that I need to leave people who don't care if I am in their life and put that energy into people who want and need me in their life too.
I know that I am different and that there is something special about me. I know what I have to offer a husband, a friend, a sister, or a child. I know what I am capable of and that I can love someone so much, like they have never been loved before. I know that this is something most people will never understand. I know that a lot of people will never get that until it is gone. Because that is exactly how I learned. I had that love from someone, I didn't know what it was until I had messed up and lost it, and years later I still know that I'd be lucky to ever find that again.
After a couple weeks of being in my cocoon I know that I will be at a place that will be magnificant and beautiful. Like a butterfly. And then I can be able to fly away to a new place, leaving the hurt and hurtful people behind, and find the people and life that I deserve.
Living a life based on lies and hurting people will never bring happiness. It will never bring you the things you desire in your life. I wish that more people understood that. What you put out in this world is what you will get. Maybe you hurt someone and it bring you temporarily happiness, but is it worth it? Knowing in the long run that you won't get happiness
Loving people and doing the right thing will take you so far in life and bring you the most amazing happiness and success.
" This is my commandment. That you love one another, just as I have loved you"
